Last week I was kidding. I mean, who actually thought Moli was leaving the house, right? To believe that would mean that I misjudged Africa. That I assumed that we, as a continent were drawn to lewd behaviour. Excited by adultery and such. Yet, we are all moral. There is hope for us yet. The Ethics and Integrity ministry can rest easy knowing that we do not watch Big brother for the naked ladies. If we did, Meryl would still be inside that house. I did say that Richard and Tatiana would be up for eviction…

Meryl is out, so quite naturally our hearts went out to Kwaku. How would he live without her? Had they not formed a bond so strong? Was not their friendship going places? What right did we as a continent have to put them asunder? It doesn’t matter because Kwaku is back on his feet again and in his bed… with Bertha! I know I’ve stated before that Bertha is playing this thing brilliantly, but this…this is just deliciously evil!

Holy Cow! (Which is what some blasphemous viewer with text sending prowess called Lerato) The story doing rounds is that Max and Lerato did the dirty deed. Max possessed himself some knowledge carnal of Lerato… Max and Lerato…had…sex! I can’t really verify the authenticity of this because of some dude at UMEME turned Big Brother and evicted the electricity from our neighbourhood.

The penthouse (which Lerato has had more terms of office in than an African president) had some other activities going on. Biggie went and stood in the way of happiness and joy and threw Max’s favourite rapper in there with them. His name? Hip Hop Pants-on-fire. Sorry, I misheard that, its Hip Hop Pantsula.

Up for eviction this week are Dutty Dreads, The Angolan Squirrel and Max. The housemates actually seem to have figured it’s a brilliant strategy to nominate the head of the house this time round. Lerato (The Hoarse Whisperer) was actually up for eviction but chose to save herself and place Tatiana (Angolan Squirrel) on the chopping block. She claimed that it was because the “Squirrel” put them in hot soup and landed them a punishment. The discerning viewer knows better. The “Whisperer” has “nugu!”

The divisions in the house have seenthe birth of the “coalition of the scheming” featuring Max, Lerato, Kwaku and Bertha who consider themselves superior to the rest. So much so, they figure no one outside this clique of theirs will become Head Of the House. (are you kidding me? Not even Maureen? )

In typical clique fashion, they stick together, drink together and say nasty things together. It may have been the alcohol…or the heat from the Jacuzzi that made them say that Tatiana doesn’t understand English or whatever is going on.

As luck would have it, Max, also known as the continent’s biggest gossip is digging his grave each time he opens his mouth. During the Jacuzzi session he proposed a toast for the final four. Something tells me he thought he was part of said final housemates. Let’s not forget this is the guy that composed a ring tone imploring you to pick your phone because your friend with AIDS was calling. This dude would not know sensitivity if it came and punched him in the mouth.

Speaking of mouths (I hate that word!)… the word LOVE slid out of Richard and Tatiana’s. And they were not saying, “I just LOVE what you’ve done with your hair”. The two expressed their feelings for each other leaving us the $100,000 question, “what about their partners on the outside?”

I suppose the answer is that they love the money.

Biggie on his part tried to alleviate the tension by asking the housemates to put together a circus show. He went as far as giving Richard an alien mask (all the better to hide your hair, Dutty) and Ofunnekka a fart-sound-generating “thingy”

Yeah, that should give her the gas she needs to develop joy and happiness.

After last week’s turn of events I am a little hesitant to predict who will be leaving the house. I could play it safe, by saying one of the couples in the house will be split, but where is the fun in that? It’s easier to say none of the nominees will go out. That a new housemate will be brought in and then after I’m proven wrong, write yet another sheepish disclaimer. Although, truth be told, Max NEEDS to leave!!