The Cow of the South is out of the pen. She had her party, said our girl has the personality of a spatula and then probably made her bed wet again…Lerato’s bed, not Maureen’s. That would have just been weird. What isn’t weird are Bertha and Kwaku’s nominations. How else would that have played out? Lerato jinxed things when she set up the faction ages ago. Don’t get me wrong. It works tremendously well for us. Maureen is among the last contestants, and if it really comes down to it, the race for the $100,000 is between her and Awfulnekka.

Dutty Dreads and The Common Code have their infidelity working against them. I have never been one to point fingers (heh), but I really didn’t think Africa had a problem with this. I’d love to cite examples here of acts promiscuous, but that would contradict my earlier declaration of non-finger-pointyness. In light of that, I will not mention the Swazi King. The Squirrel of Angola doesn’t quite do it for me. I know that doesn’t seem like a valid argument for the Angolan Tax Authority to lose out on a hundred grand, but think about it. This chic was simulating acts of lewdness on/with a balloon! A BALLOON for crying out loud!

That was then. Fast forward to a few weeks later and its Africa watching the Big Brother contestants watching other Big Brother contestants. Yes. Its “The Penthouse”; Starring The Angolan Squirrel and reprising his role from before; Dutty Dreads!

The script here is different. Richard tells Tatiana he feels guilty. He has hurt his wife (you think?!) He says he is planning to leave the house. Fool! We decide when you leave the house! We the viewers, not you! We are the boss of you! Stay in there and BURN!!

Dutty tells his little squirrel friend that he promised his wife he wouldn’t kiss anyone in the house (really? Not even Code er, Maureen? You called her SHORTY didn’t you?) and he has literally put words in Tati’s mouth since forever. Reminds me of the words in that Black Eyed Peas song; “How do you get all those words, all those words inside your mouth…” It’s gotten such that Dutty doesn’t care for money any more. Either this dude has gone and turned communist or he is selling Tatiana some crazy brand of fertilizer. Also, that’s one person less for Mike Ezra to worry about.

If he meant it he would have taken the place of one of the nominees ( False Akon and Jackie Bauer).

He thinks his fling with the squirrel should have a movie made out of it. With action figures and tee-shirts that scream, “I LOVE ME SOME SQUIRREL”. Tatiana tries to soothe him between sobs saying that women have soft hearts and they forgive easily. That she has been through this before. When? Isn’t this her first foray into Big Brother Africa? With a Tanzanian? With Dreadlocks? The bull just keeps piling up.

Elsewhere in a house we all know, the contestants were asked to prepare a dish for a mystery guest. Is it Straka? The housemates called their effort cuisine MANGZUT. And they also had to design an invitation card for said guest (Bobi Wine? Gaetano? Moi???). Their effort resulted in something that looked like a rainbow painted by a madman.

The housemates also had to make their own utensils out of clay. Yeah, South African clay is the hygienic kind. You can eat off it… hell, you can eat it.

Speaking of food, Maureen was paired with Bertha in the meal preparing task in a move that had us all watch with baited breath every time Bertha held a knife.

Maureen declared that she would go to Malawi to see Code. Whatever for? The money is here! The breakfast guys on Hot 100 say that Maureen’s boyfriend out of the Big Brother house was not pleased with Code touching Mau all over. Guess the Penthouse visit by the two had “far-reaching consequences” (heh).

Bertha is probably out this week, and Kwaku is going to be up for nomination this coming week… I figure Code will nominate Richard as will Ofunneka, but what do I know?