Jessica Alba is without a doubt the hottest being on earth. The rest are mere mortals. What? I have a life outside Big Brother and it features pretty hot Hollywood vixens unobtainable in nature… oh, Jessica. And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming…
The Moles are in the house, but wait. Did anyone see what went down last week on Saturday? Its being dubbed “fingergate” all over the web and editors have allowed their writers to go into graphic detail about what went on with Dutty Dreads and the ladies in the house. In the event that you don’t have any friends with DSTV or have held off reading BBA recaps till now (I’m flattered), here’s the low down in about 55 words.
Biggie gives housemates task. Housemates also have alcohol. Housemates consume alcohol, then get drunk. PROPERLY! Awfu tries to take the Blah blah blah out of Mau’s mouth by attempting a kiss. Mau is not having any of that. She takes Awfu and a wasted Angolan rodent to bed. Dutty follows and what follows is *censored* Says Mnet in a press statement over on the BBA site, “Big Brother is based on showing the Housemates’ actions whilst in the House for audiences who wish to make informed voting decisions based on Housemate behaviour.” Heh.
Incidentally Mau, has anyone told you I was rooting for you from day one? I’m not like Nsaba Buturo, me I like you. I heard what he said, it’s all blahblahblah to me… This has nothing to do with the endorsement deals you will get for championing the “True Love Waits… until the cameras are switched off” cause. I even went out and got your name tattooed across my chest, but it kinda got washed away during these freak showers Kampala had while you were gone…
And while she is out, the Moles came out to play… with horrible performances on day one. Biggie briefed Victor and Ashanti thus, “You are from a twin Big Brother House. You are the finalists and now you should go forth and cause some serious damage”. All well and good, but would it have killed Biggie to look into the wardrobe issues? Either Ofunneka is a witch or she has lived this whole experience before, seeing as she is not buying the fertilizer the new housemates are selling. Vic and Ash failed to come up with proper answers as to what tasks they went through in their house, and they still believe that the “real” housemates are buying their story. Ah, the bliss of denial.
Victor seems to be trying though. He told Tatiana that Richard kissed Ashanti, drawing ire from Dutty when Tati took it up with him. Dutty then proceeded to confront Victor saying Real Men don’t tell. No, Richard. Real men don’t “CRY”. We tell all the time, what do you think gets corrupt officials caught all the time? That confrontation features Tatiana trying to be a calming influence. If this were a tabloid, I could have used that last line to greater effect.
The House is under the guidance of a squirrel. And it’s Angolan. That’s right, Tati is Head of The House for the third time. It would be exciting to have Biggie make her take Victor to the penthouse and then playback a video with lookalikes of the two doing all sorts of crazy stuff. But this show is on a crazy budget, so that’s not going to happen.
The presence of Ashanti seems to have dropped the scales from Richard’s eyes seeing as he is pouring himself more into the tasks. This week had the housemates shooting a commercial for “Paradise A’frique”. Don’t feel bad about not knowing what it is, I’ll tell you. It’s the big brother house as the ultimate tourist destination. I’m not berating Big Brother here, I mean, we can’t expect all his ideas to be all that. Lord knows I wouldn’t be any better, but this business of making the most of what is available is like handing kids clay and telling them to build a house, then a tree, then a gun, then a ship… all with the same mound of clay.
Meanwhile, gossip site http://hottestgossip.co.za/ claims that Ricki (Dutty’s wife) is through with him. Turns out he deviated from the plan. I’m reading this and thinking, “There was a plan?” Apparently it was agreed that upon entering the house, Richard was supposed to flirt. Kissing was NOT part of the agenda. She feels betrayed, the poor thing, but she is a little reluctant to break things up with him because she loves his family. It’s because he is this close to the money, isn’t it?
The same site reports that Bertha still finds the group boring. And she says viewers that were clamoring to see her shower naked are immoral. I blame it on raging hormones.
And as we conclude this, I am obliged to mention that we are now voting for the person we want to win. Thus far, its all pointing to the Angolan Squirrel, which scares me. I had this nightmare that the rodents of the world would unite and come after me and chant, “Who’s the Squirrel now?”
*Edit>> It looks like Dutty may win… but are they not one and the same?