If I had my way, these are some of the headlines you’d see: Double Loss Mazongoto! First the dime, then the dame! Max-imum Loss. Okay, here’s the article now…I just love how things played out last week, don’t you? Max’s eviction was facilitated by pretty much the whole continent. The only people that didn’t want him out were his countrymates. I can’t blame them; I wouldn’t want that dude back in my country either.
His second eviction was brought on by himself. “What second eviction?” I hear you ask, well, his little stint in the house went and sullied things between him and his fiancé and girlfriend of four years. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting, Suli!
Zambia’s The Post interviewed her and she said she too had evicted him from her heart. Not in those words.
She stated: “He slept with Lerato in his sober state and how do I take that as a lady?”
I’m guessing “Badly”.
No lady wants to see their man get it on with a South African Hippo. Are we to assume that he never used to sleep with her (Suli) in his sober state? The nerve! Or was that something only she was entitled to? Wow! Zambian women are… different!
The article further said that Max figures that if Lerato leaves (“if”? Are you kidding me? That girl’s parents have seats with their names engraved on them at the Podium of Eviction!) then he sees the money going to… MAUREEN!!
In light of this I am willing to let my guard down. I have assessed the situation and I think I have gotten over being bored by Maureen. Coffee has helped to a certain degree. In as much as I am over at Team Maureen, I am still absolutely crazy about Bertha! If anyone at DSTv is reading this, let’s hook up and mass-produce Pro-Maureen merchandise. Here’s a thought: “MAUREEN NAMATOVU; UGANDA’S CURE FOR THE COMMON CODE”. And yes, I want something in return.
Bertha and Lerato have taken to gossiping about our representative and her boo, which is just wrong. They have also taken to imitating the way Code speaks, which is just silly. Lerato says the two (Mau and Code) are at the “doff” level, which is The Hoarse Whisperer’s way of saying they are stupid. You know the drill, this life-form must go! Yes, I know Bertha also said some nasty and somewhat snobbish things, but she’s Jackie Bauer dammit! She says what she wants and gets away with it.
This week was back to school week. The housemates were tasked with being schoolboys and schoolgirls… and school-Lerato’s. Tatiana was the head girl and she had powers. Not the super kind, but she could dispense punishment any which way. Yeah, if Tatiana were in my school, I would have wanted her to “punish” me. The housemates were split into teams/ dorms, probably a move that Biggie figured would ease the tension in the house… and for kicks they were allowed to play pranks on their rivals.
No prizes for guessing who the lead Prankster was: Dutty Dreads!
The housemates were also tasked with putting viewers to the test by discussing alternative sources of energy. Sources such as Bertha! In what many a viewer may have considered “shocking”, Maureen did not say, “back home our Pastors produce electricity from their hands.” I thought the aim of Big Brother was to create awareness and such.
In other news, the Angolan Squirrel and Dutty Dreads got the Penthouse to themselves. Awesome. Tatiana was prepared for the night; she packed candles and lingerie for her Penthouse visit! Lord knows you don’t want to be stuck in a dark Penthouse when the power company strikes!
And then they had sex! And had little squirrel babies with highlighted (or is that “highlit”?) dreadlocks and lived happily ever after in the house that Biggie built. Or at least that’s what we expected. The reality was thus: Candle-lit dinner which makes Tatiana “too tired” to put on her G-string (all those calories lost? Hell no!) so she asks Richard to do it. She also says she figures she has lost her boyfriend (but Richard is right there. Oh, that other guy.) and then, No Sex! See, this show is not so bad after all, in any other show (like say, Side Mirror) any other guy would have gotten it on with the squirrel. Or Tatiana.
The news that I’m sure you all know by now (reported in that incredible journalistic style that some critic loves) is that there’ll be no eviction this week. Which is just awesome seeing as I made no prediction last week. So technically, I was right. As was Offunneka who smelt a rat.
With any luck this week will see Lerato and Kwaku nominated. It would be super-cool if Bertha was thrown in just for fun.
Update: At the time this went to the wonderful printing place, Maureen was Head Of The House. This throws a spanner into the whole nomination process, considering that Awfulnekka and Kwaku can not be nominated given that they have been evicted already (supposedly) then Maureen and Code’s Penthouse visit will be messed up…ugh, the madness of Biggie!