If you’re reading this, you probably know a thing or two about me. In the unlikely event that you don’t and you just wandered over serendipitously, or because I’ve not grown tired of leaving my website URL on random machines, hi, my name is Ivan and I’m a writer.

I’ve written a bunch of articles, but I’d not call myself a journalist—I respect their craft way too much to suggest that what I do comes close to what they do.

I have written scripts. For ads. On radio and TV. And print. And digital. So, sure, I’m a copywriter. As any will tell you, we have our inspired moments and our not-so-good days.

This is about one of those “I couldn’t if I tried” moments that turned around.

It was 2010. Many, many years ago. I’d been with QG Saatchi & Saatchi for a few months and was over the moon because I was working on the MTN account, which offered lots of opportunities to show off your mettle (large media budgets and what not). I’d finally overcome my imposter syndrome and was raring to tear into the next brief and (hopefully) claim my spot among the greats.

Then it came. We were asked to put together a spot for MTN Mobile Money and its versatility. Simple enough, right?

Well, yes. If all you planned to do was write an announcement:

Voice one: MTN Mobile Money now lets you do this and that.

Voice two: Really, you can do this and that?

Voice one: Totally.

Voice two: Wow. What a wow! End tag.

But that’s the thing. One wasn’t thrown on these accounts to write like that. Not to the best of my knowledge anyway.

So I chewed my pen cover as I tried to come up with something “different.” Or I would have, if I wasn’t opposed to consuming stationery.

Try as I might, I couldn’t land a compelling spin. The clock was ticking, the deadline was approaching fast, client in tow. Finally, I delivered this:

SFX: Ambient music

MVO: How do you reach out without stretching your hand? How do you take care of business without leaving your seat? How do you go the distance, without getting on your feet? With MTN Mobile Money, you have the power to send money to any of Uganda’s 10-million-plus subscribers, no matter where you are. All you need is a phone. Pay for supplies, settle bills, send money across all networks and more… the possibilities are endless.

MTN MobileMoney. Uganda’s biggest money network.

TAG: MTN. EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

For good measure, I even gave it a title—How do you.

There was another script, but it didn’t make the cut. This one, the client was okay with and said we’d have to present it to the wider team the following afternoon.

I thought I was in the clear and went back to my desk. On to the next client’s brief.

Then my boss called me—gosh, I’m a terrible storyteller (see, not a journalist). I forgot to mention he was in the room when I presented my scripts to the client.

So he calls me to his office and asks what I thought about the ad.

I told him I thought it was alright. He said he thought so too. So that really should have been that. It wasn’t.

“The thing is, you can do better. The client has approved it and it will probably go to production. But do you want to look back a few months down the road and think you could have done better? Or worse still, have your ad playing on the radio, then the competition’s comes on and it’s much better?”

I didn’t. So I took his challenge to do better to heart and sulked out of the office.

And onto a boda-boda back home.

I really scratched my head, trying to figure this thing out. Or I would have, if I wasn’t using my hands to support my frame as the boda rider navigated the potholes of Namuwongo.

Between eating the dust and emerging from one crater after another, I landed on the premise of having a phone in a shrink’s office, upset that its owner wasn’t allowing it to reach its full potential.

By the time I got home, another idea had formed. What if phones were actually calling the shots and we were their unwitting pawns? This was way, way, way before AI, so the Terminator movies still seemed like wishful fiction. A machine that thinks for you? Ridiculous. Pish posh even.

The following morning, I walked into my boss’s office and declared I had TWO new scripts. There was a third, but it really didn’t make an impression and didn’t successfully make the transition from notepad to computer.

I took him through both and asked what he thought.

“Carry both, let’s see.”

Fast forward to the afternoon and there we were, sitting in the MTN boardroom, being stared down by a contingent of brand managers and the Chief Marketing Officer.

I presented the spot that had been approved the day before and the CMO green-lit it. On to the next bit of business.

Then I cut him short. Rude? I guess, but I kept my job, so it couldn’t have been that bad.

“We have one more script…”

This was news to the brand manager who’d previously approved the script. I think I owe him an apology. And I might offer one when I share a link to this post.

“Alright, let’s hear it,” the CMO responded. No ceremony. No attitude.

I turned to my boss and asked which one I should go with, “The Phone in Therapy” or “The Legion of Phones.”

“Go with your gut.”

Phone in Therapy really had just one bit of voice acting—an upset mobile device that felt shortchanged. Legion of Phones, however, had a bunch of phones that were sharing their wins.

I chose that. And did all the voices because my boss wouldn’t chip in (below his pay grade, now that I think of it).

SFX: Peal of thunder

DON: It hasn’t been easy, but we phones are close to taking over Uganda. I’ve carried out transactions with other phones across all networks and business is looking good. You, 772, what do you have?

772: My human lets me pay the school fees for the little ones.

DON: Good, good. How about you 782?

782: I take care of my human’s TV subscription payments. He thinks he’s clever, but we know who really holds the power.

DON: Excellent! 774 is not here—she’s off paying for groceries at the supermarket—but clearly, THE WORLD IS OURS!

SFX: Tacky ringtone interrupts him

DON: Oh dear… It’s er, my human’s landlord. I’ve got to take care of business.

ANNCR: Join Uganda’s biggest money network and transact with over 10 million subscribers across networks, settle your bills, renew your subscriptions, and get your phone to do even more. MTN MobileMoney. Uganda’s Biggest Money Network.

TAG: MTN. EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

And I received a round of applause. I was onto something.

Then I was asked to read… no, perform it again. We had a winner.

We discussed how we’d go about producing it, the sound effects, etc., and I was asked to perform it one more time.

Looking back now, there are a couple of changes I’d make—trim off some fat here and there, include local nuance with ad-libs and what not—but I won’t knock it. I had fun with this one, and I think it showed.

So, giving flowers where they are due: thanks David for not letting me get away with “alright.” Sorry Steven about the ambush. And to the brand managers and marketing managers that were in that room, “Thank you, thank you.”