Dear Lady Gaga,
What the hell? I thought you were on those of ‘lwali’ when you were singing about your Bad Romance, but when I saw what you were wearing at the VMA’s, I thought to myself, “self, this woman has issues”. I’ve heard mbu you were trying to get attention. I also heard that you were trying out your outfit for Halloween. Is it true that you plan to masquerade as a ‘kanyama’?

But seriously Gaga, what were you thinking? I know PETA is all up in your face using words like; rancid, smelly, and riddled with maggots, but you chill them. They seem to have run out of fur-wearing celebrities to heckle and now they have come after you.
Even Eminem said he didn’t want to sit next to a pile of raw meat the whole night. I have ha-ha’d him. Everybody knows that no one has more beef than Eminem in the entertainment industry. They are the Bayuda Chameleone sang about.
But you know who aren’t? Vegetarians.
Man, I can only try to imagine how sucky it must have felt to be a vegetarian that night. Being there thinking, ‘they better have salads at the after party,” then you walk up to receive that award and it’s all over! Withdrawal kicks in, or worse, Pink weeps silently in her seat.


Katy Perry even had the chance to weigh in. Can you believe that? The world shouldn’t have to listen to Katy Perry sing, but now, because of you, now the world has to put up with her being deep, “the costumes are the bells and whistles and bells and whistles can be really fun, but you have to have the spine, and I think that with Gaga, she’s got the spine and she’s got the costume”. Do you see what you have done?

People have labeled you an attention seeker. In fact, I suspect you may have displaced Eva Mbabazi’s infamous fish net outfit from that spot it occupied in many a man’s fantasy. A thank you should be in order, but I don’t want to encourage you. I accidentally liked Just Dance and Poker Face, then what did you do? You went gaga (pun honestly and truly intended) on telephones. TWICE!
What if my gratitude this time round spurs you on to wear a whale?

I have to hand it to you though, you are brave. I could be wrong, but I’m almost certain the most pertinent questions running through anyone’s head would have to be; will this make me look fat? And ‘what if the Baha Men turn up, will they let the dogs out?… I really doubt anyone’s thinking, “can’t wait to have people sink their teeth into this” or, “tonight, I will finally get eaten”.
I like that you carried your food to the awards show, though. I understand how insane power bills can get, so if you can get your meat refrigerated by an air conditioner on the cheap, good on you.
Your justification, “…it’s saying if we don’t stand up for what we believe in, if we don’t fight for our rights… we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones.” was not profound, Gaga. It was a lot of baloney!